Doctor, doctor,

(Name) feel like a pair of curtains.

Hmm, that’s not good, we’ll have to book them in for a de-curtain surgery. Don’t worry it’s only a small procedure, so they shouldn’t be out of office for too long. I recommend they take these antibiotics, stay away from any curtain rails/windows and head back to work by (XX/XX/XX).

Thank you and please send the next patient in. Have a nice day.

(Name)